Not a typical post

My thoughts the last few days have centered around church. I have spent much time contemplating how different churches are, and how the church I attend upholds the doctrines and practices I believe to be so true and necessary.

Why is this the pressing matter for me right now? As I mentioned, Meg has moved into a new chapter of life...starting college. The freshmen move in and have a long weekend of planned activities before the upperclassmen come. On her schedule was morning worship at an area church with her residence floor. Having attended the same college, and having visited many of the area churches myself, I had my fingers crossed on a few churches I hoped she'd be sent to, and a list of some that I really wouldn't want her to have to experience. Care to guess which list her assigned church was on? Apparently finger-crossing doesn't work anymore.

This set into motion my thoughts. I have been contemplating my reasoning for worshipping at our church. In thinking about the possibilities for where Meg would worship, it prompted me to think...Why do we worship and why do we follow our particular order of worship? Why do we firmly believe that women in office is wrong - elder, deacon, or pastorate? Why is corporate prayer necessary? What about psalm and hymn singing? How about the doctrines we profess, and have regular preaching on? Why is my view/practice of Sunday observance so far outside of the norm?

A couple of these things have been on my mind a lot longer than the last few days. One of the biggest things I see that makes my life different from those around me is Sunday observance. It is very clear to me on Sunday afternoons when I check my Facebook page and see what people have done that day. It is continually disappointing to see how very little people actually worship...and these are people who are raising our future generations...they aren't making worship important! I see how so many are satisfied and exclaim what a nice day they have had when it includes time shopping, at sporting events, dining out, or time with their spouses and families. Now, don't get me wrong, these things are great, and good to include in your life...I enjoy these things myself! However, what happened to the sacredness of the Sabbath day? A day set apart for rest? A day to come into God's presence and be filled with His Holy Spirit, renewing us for another week?

Just a quick example...I recently read a status of a family coming home from a week of vacation...not an ounce of shame that they didn't participate in worship. The stop for the day was the beach, not a church. The day at the beach was wonderful...what a great way to "end the week." End the week? Really? What happened to Sunday being the beginning of the week...preparing us for the week ahead? Being refreshed and encouraged to go out into the world and be a shining light of God's goodness in our lives? Where is that people?

Now, I get bogged down. At this point, I almost feel like I should apologize...because I know many of you don't agree with me. You may be a woman holding office in your church. You may plan out your Sunday activities and not include worship in them if there are more "nice," or "fun," things to do. You may be finishing a book that you bought at Borders yesterday. And then I feel sick. Sick that I even have to think about this. Saddened that God's Word is so clear on these things, and you don't see it. Sick because I don't agree with you, and I can't apologize. I may be offending, and I really don't like that, but I can't keep my mouth shut either.

But can I? Is that what I've been doing? Is that why my heart is wrenching and I feel sickened but no one knows it? Am I not sharing my love for God and making it perfectly clear what truth is found in God's Word? Is that why there is no shame...no one feels the need to be shamed, because I am not presenting the truth...but rather standing silent, afraid of offending, afraid to confront, afraid...afraid...afraid?

I have been afraid...finding it easier to tolerate than confront. That needs to end. As a Christian, I am not called to a life of tolerance. Romans 12:2 "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing and perfect will." I can not conform.

Those are the thoughts swirling about these days. Many questions, and fewer answers. I sincerely hope and pray that the Holy Spirit's fire will burn within me and refine me. I humbly admit that I have been wrong. I have not been representing my God. I have not been faithful in proclaiming the joy I have because of the grace He has extended to me. I have not been diligent in using His Word to strengthen my positions and give me reason to stand firm. Wow...that isn't fun to say. But I need to look forward..."Do not conform any longer..."

The only apology I'm making today is for a really long post that doesn't come with neat and tidy conclusions. This is a peek into my thoughts...a little beyond diapers and laundry...not a typical post...but still a little messy. A bit more deep-thinking than what you normally get here...a bit more challenging for me...a bit more true-to-self...

And now I'm going to publish this, and become accountable, before I chicken out.